Showing Up is a Choice; Choose Wisely

presenceAs the busy summer comes to a close and the routine of school begins I ‘ve been reflecting on the whirlwind of activity over the past few months and how fast the summer has passed by.  With a family and work, there are many commitments, celebrations, invitations and events to consider attending or declining.  In all actuality, this is a year-round consideration for me, but recently my wounded, inner-child was activated, hence the deeper reflection into said topic 🙂  I was hurt, annoyed and let down by someone because they didn’t show up for me.  They made a choice to show up for another cause, perhaps more noble in nature, but still a let down to me.

I allowed myself to feel the frustration and judgment I was passing, but I am glad to say that I am far enough along on my spiritual journey to recognize a trigger as a gift of awareness.  Awareness in regards to an area that needs to be healed, or maybe an area that I need to work on myself.

After allowing my negative emotions to run their course, I realized the message in it for me (not to be confused with a message for anybody else, unless it resonates of course 🙂 was that in my life I face choices all the time that require me to determine for whom I show up.  Will it be the noble cause that serves many, or the singular event that means the world to one?  Will I show up for the person who is really good at pressuring me to show up over the understanding, compassionate person who trusts that I know where I need to be.  Will I cave to the pressure of the wrath I will suffer from a strong personality if I don’t show up over attending to my own personal needs?  Will I choose the event for the person for whom I am desperately seeking approval over the invitation of the the one who gives me unconditional love?  Or will I flake out and not attend, because I just don’t feel like going, or ‘something better’ came along?  I may not have always made the right choice, but I am more aware now.  I can’t be everywhere and show up for everyone all the time, but I vow to make a conscious choice, will you?

As I allowed the awareness of the need for healing and the message of conscious choice to flow, this phrase popped into my mind, “Make sure your own house is in order before setting out to save the world.”  This message for me was two-fold in the way that it pointed to both healing and future choices.  For me, there is a hierarchy when making a choice.  My family and self (yes, I said self!  Self-care is important. Not to be confused with selfishness.  After all if you aren’t good to yourself how can you really be good for anyone else?) come first, and even then, there are choices to be made when individual needs and schedules conflict.  All the rest fills in beyond that.  But, not everybody navigates this way and I cannot expect that just because I have a hierarchy for making choices doesn’t mean that everybody else should operate in the same manner.  I am not the center of anybody else’s universe except my own.  Sometimes though, my ego would like to think otherwise!  But honestly, if you can grasp that message (that you are only the center of your own universe, not anybody elses’) it is easier not to take things too personally.

On the flip side, this past summer I missed events, attended functions and had ample opportunities to exercise my conscious choice making for whom to show up.  There were times when I went to events that I would have preferred to do something more fun that came along at the last minute, or just stay home and chillax, but I knew that it was more important to show up for this person, or that event… keep my word, that I would be there.  Relationships are strengthened for showing up, and fractured for flaking out.

We can learn through challenges, suffering and/or painful experiences. I believe it is through these types of experiences that we can gain exponential growth.  We can grow from positive experiences too, no doubt, but I think doses of suffering helps to keep everything in perspective.  I mean, if everything were always all hearts and flowers, would we have as much appreciation for how far we have come or grown?  I often tell my children when they experience or witness a painful event to remember that suffering, so as not to repeat it towards another; to let the experience guide them toward right action.  This includes remembering how good or special someone makes you feel as well.

What I realized after all of this reflection, is that the person who triggered that wounded inner-child was playing their part beautifully in assisting me to become aware of myself and the lessons I need to learn while I am here.  And the lesson for me, simply put is: Showing up is a choice; choose wisely.   For that, I am grateful.  I am glad to report that the hurt and judgment I felt toward that person for not showing up for me that day has blossomed into appreciation and gratitude for the lesson learned.

Yours Truly,

~Brandi

10 Comments on “Showing Up is a Choice; Choose Wisely

  1. Oh yes, I so agree and relate with what you said here. I got triggered big time about a month ago and eventually came to the same conclusion–being triggered can be a powerful gift. I feel crazy saying it, but I’m glad when it happens so I can gain a greater understanding about my inner child wounds.

    Flaky friends are a challenge for me. I met one of the flakiest ever and made the mistake of taking it personally in the beginning. Then I learned that she treats other friends the same way. Then I felt annoyed that she doesn’t respect others and takes her friends for granted. Now I’ve just come to the understanding that some people don’t value friendships and loyalty to the level that I do. It doesn’t make either of us right or wrong. It just seems like we have set ourselves up for a challenge if the other person’s values and expectations are too different from our own.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so with you on that. I’ve worked a lot on acceptance and not judging right or wrong, but in practicing that I have a had to reassess some relationships because as you stated, it is too much of a challenge when values don’t match up. Thanks for your insightful comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes,thanks both of you. Someone hasn’t showed up for me today – a family I was really looking forward working with. And I woke with such clarity about what I was about and what I was going to do! Then I saw your post Brandi and really tried to resist reading it! I needed to show up here though! I needed somewhere to be where people aren’t hiding behind walls especially what I am calling spiritual conceptualism which leads to conceptual power! There I’ve said it!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for sharing, Brandi. Wonderful reflections arising triggered by a disappointment and a good reminder for us to make consious choices where we show up.

    Liked by 1 person

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